Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Is Living Together Prior To Marriage For You and Your Partner?

Kandi Burruss, of Xscape, of Real Housewives of Atlanta, also has her own radio show called Kandi Koated Nights. I have never tuned in, but I hear that it is usually about adult material. Relationships and whatnot. Well, anyway, I logged onto Twitter tonight and found tweets of hers saying that tonight’s discussion is about couples shacking up: Good or Bad for the relationship? To cohabit or not to cohabit... That is the question. Well, y’all know I have an opinion ‘bout every damn thang! This is no different.
I honestly think this is a double-edged sword.The pro’s and con’s sort of weigh one another out. What are the benefits of a couple living together?
Pro: Financial. This is a big one. Instead of a couple paying separately each month for a home, groceries, utilities, etc they can get together and split all of these bills under one roof. I’d love to have this, myself. 
Living together prior to marriage gets the two much better acquainted with each other. 
Con: Think about it.. You’re in love with this guy and y’all spend a lot of time together. Spend some nights together and all is sweet... Once you marry this nigga, you find out that he’s not as clean as he was when you used to visit him at his house before the move-in.  He probably spent like 15 minutes before you came over each time to sweep shit under the bed and throw everything that was all over his room onto his closet floor and close the door. You don’t know... And won’t know till y’all actually share the same space for a while. He may do other shit like... I don’t know... eat and drink everything in the house and not replace the shit.. Again, you will not know this until y’all actually live together. And vice versa. Fellas, your lady can be this way as well. Maybe she brushes her lacefronts and leave strands of barbie hair all over the place. If y’all wait until you’re married to find out this annoying shit ‘bout one another... What then?? Guess this couple can be thanked for helping drive the divorce rate up. 
 Now, it is true that a couple can possibly uncover all that they hate about their partner while shacking up. However... This living arrangement can also maybe have the opposite effect. 
Pro: Living together may cause the relationship to flourish; whereas it may not have with the two living under separate roofs. A lot of relationships suffer trust issues. As they say, “Seeing is believing”. If you live with your mate, pretty much nothing is hidden or secret. Now, if your mate goes above and beyond to hide things, this should be considered a cohabitation blessing in disguise. That mate ain’t for you. Pack ya bags and roll... Otherwise, y’all know how it is when you spend time with someone.... Hold up.. Who am I kidding.. I usually start spending a lot of time with a nigga and be bout ready to KILL!!! That’s just me though. Some people love spending time with their significant other. Living together may boost that for this type.
Con: This living arrangement may cause the relationship to stall. This is usually due to one party wanting to progress and the other not quite wanting the same. For instance, one partner may want to get married or have kids. The other may not be so eager to take this step. If you all move in together first, chances are, it may never happen. At least for a long time... Till the reluctant party is ready to cave-in to the idea. And y’all know what usually happens in cases such as this. The one ready to marry and start a family nags the hell out of the other and before you know it they break up any damn way. Either way, one person is absolutely devastated. The person that really wanted that relationship to last and stand the test of time. Because if that person sits back and waits for the other, they’re dying in the inside all the while over what they are sooo close to but can’t have. And if they aren’t the type to sit back and wait on eventually, they will nag and be dismissed. Never getting what they seeked all the while. Shame.
Well, as with everything, the choice to cohabit is up to the individual. For some it works and for others it doesn’t. All I can say is: THINK THAT SHIT THROUGH!! REALLY. REALLY. THROUGH! Ain’t nothin’ like havin’ ya own fuckin’ space!

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