Friday, October 29, 2010

What (or Who) Are You Raising?

Recently, I was engaged in a conversation with someone about their child that has a bad lying problem. Even though this person says that they tell their child all the time not to lie about things, this child still lies. About any.  And EVERYthing. This made me think of some lessons that my mother has taught me. As a child, I could not see that she was molding me to become a respectful and respected woman. Now, as an adult, I recognize that and I am soooo thankful! Have y'all ever met an adult that you seriously just avoid at all costs?? The type that are Habitual liars... Will tell you they just came back from a week in Paris and they were on the other side of town all along... Gossipers... You be afraid to even say "Hi" to them because that will undoubtedly lead to an hour and a half long one-sided conversation bout what everybody but them (speaking) been doing lately... Thieves... Will take anything not nailed down. I MEAN ANYTHING!!... Those that think the WORLD owes them... When, truthfully they ain't never done shit to deserve a damn thang! (in some cases, not even life)... I know I've come across each type listed at least once and in some cases several times in life. They are family members, "friends", associates, coworkers, classmates, etc. Anyone person can fall into such an ugly category or two or more.

Ever really given thought to.. "It ain't NO WAY this person is so out there like this at the age of 23, 30 or 50 just all of the sudden." I have. I give thought to it all the time. Habits form over time. It's not like your coworker that starts shit all over the office just began this practice when he/she began working there at the age of 21. This person didn't just wake up one day at the age of 18 and say... "You know what?.. I'ma just go around and stir up chaos. I think that'll be cool." Nope. Chances are this person has been this way all their life. Since a little child in the elementary schoolyard hopping from clique to clique, telling who said what and when and where. If this child's parents knew of this behavior and did nothing to correct it... That's where they have failed their child as a parent.

Kids are innocent. When born they do not know what's right from what is wrong. It is up to that child's parent to mold that kid. When I was a child I did quite a bit. I gossiped, I once told mom, "I didn't spill anything on the (white fabric) sofa", and actually I did. Red Kool-Aid at that. Whipping of my LIFE! And as a teen I kept things from my mom because there came a time when I thought "It's MY business". Mom set me straight on all that and more! For that I am grateful!
Here are some of the things she dropped on me which I still carry in my person right now today:

-NOBODY LIKES,TRUSTS OR RESPECTS A LIAR!! -Absolute truth!! At least I know I don't. I know a few people that lie. And it be about the most petty things ever! Each one, once I discovered they lie recreationally, I totally avoid them. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking they could and probably would easily tell a lie about me. They might try to steal from me.... And most of all: THEY ARE A JOKE!! I'm not going to believe shit else you say after about 2 lies. You could tell me the sky is blue...JFK was shot...1+1 equals 2... All these things are known facts, but coming from a liar, I'm going to pause on believing that. You liars out there reading this... A lot of people feel this way. Consider this a PSA.

-Don't Give Nobody Nothing to Talk About-How many times have you heard, "I wish so-and-so would stay out of my business!" Tell me something.. How does so-and-so know about ya biz from the start? Your business is YOUR business.. You don't have to be all in the streets talkin' (or DOING) ya biz to your fam, your homegirls, your coworkers, the chick that's standing in line behind you at the Burger King... Keep it to yourself and you have little to no chance of hearing about it coming out of another person's mouth. Especially, if you doing some shit you ain't supposed to be doing. Either that, or stop doing ill shit all-together! Think about it!

-You Can't Talk To or Around Everybody!!(Gossip)-This one I learned the hard way. After being confronted several times up to about the age of 16, with "Did you say?" or "I heard you said"... What my mama had been telling me all along finally sunk in! You can't talk freely with everybody. A lot of times you may think that because your friend initiated a conversation about another mutual friend, it's okay to join in. STOP! What kind of friend is this that you are talking with? Has she in the past went back and stirred up commotion by telling all you or someone else has said about another, while leaving out things that she had said during that same conversation? It's a lot of people like that. And the conversation could actually be innocent enough. Maybe the two of you are conversing about how y'all done told Shelly time and time again that she need to leave her man that's been beating one her... By the time this chick tells Shelly how the conversation went down, your words have been twisted to the max and you're the villain. The other option is to not speak about anyone other than yourself all together. That's not an option for me. If I'm talking with my mother, sister or a two of my trusted cuzzos, I'ma let them in on some things I know. I can trust that it goes no further than that conversation.

And Lastly:

-This one kinda ties into not giving people anything to talk about and Honesty... Never Let a Mo'fo think they got something over you. By this she meant, don't do things you are ashamed of. If you do, do them discreetly. LOL. If that fails, own up to your mess. Blackmailers are every damn where!! I mean EVERYWHERE!! Here's a lil story for y'all:

When I was about 12 years old or so, there once lived a lil dude across the street from me that got on my nerves sooo bad!! Well, one day, he hit me and ran. I called him all types of "Fat, ugly, funky bitches and bastards". The lil dyke that lived on the other side of the lil lot heard me. She came into the street and was like, "Who was that cussing like that?" Of course all the kids ratted me out. So, she of all people gonna tell me that's not ladylike and if she ever heard me cussing like that again, she was going to tell my mother. I was like.. "Okay".. Time went on. Maybe about a week. Me and my mother was walking to the store. Here goes the neighborhood patrol, sippin' on cans of beer with one of her ladyfriends in her frontyard... She called me over to her and brought up the cursing incident again, telling me once again that she'll tell my mom next time... As I was walking away this heifer had the nerve to say loud enough for my mama to hear, "NEXT TIME, I'MA TELL YA MOM, YA HEAR!" Bitch, what?!! I wanted to spit in her eye I was so mad that she was being so petty. Dude hit me and ran!! He deserved that and much more!

Well, of course my mom was like "Tell me what?" Then ole girl tried to back out talkin' bout I knew what she was talkin' bout. Mom was mad and I could see it. She made me tell her right in front of the lady what the woman was talkin' bout. I told her. She assured the do-good neighbor that she would set me straight. When we came back from the store I got a whippin'. Not because I cursed dude out, but my mom explained to me that it was because I was out doing something I should not have been doing, someone else saw it and then tried to use it against me... Against her(my mom), as if they had something over us.  The lady's lil threat was meant to scare me (I guess) and my mom took it as the woman felt she knew something about my mom's child (me) that my mom didn't even know. Mama ain't like that. And I can dig it. That was a lesson like no other! When I became a teenager and started feelin' myself and tried to be "cool" like other teens in my area, I ALWAYS told my mama what I was doing. At the same time, I kept my biz to myself as much as possible. We lived in a really small community, so at times that was impossible, but I never wanted my mom to feel bad again like she did that day when someone else had come to tell her "Oh, you ain't know... your daughter's doing this..."

My mom taught me a lot more along the way. But, as for character, these are my favorite! I'm honest as hell (almost to a fault), I keep my biz MY biz, I don't do nothing that I'm ashamed of and I love and respect my mama! Parents, mold ya kids. They can't mold themselves. And if you're in denial about your child's crazy behavior, trust... You're in for a WORLD OF PAIN (and possibly regret).
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