Monday, July 30, 2012

My Thoughts on "Settling"... Good or Bad?? [Updated]

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There was a time in life that I was happily single. And "happily" is an understatement, even. I was taking care of my household and pretty much had my life in order to a degree whereas I felt as though I had no use for a man in my life (besides the occasional intimate desires). I guess you can say I suffered from the "Independent Women Syndrome".  And I noticed in living that Single Life, it is hard out there for those that truly want to settle down with that right one. To settle or not to settle...

Let me tell ya, I was there before (not too long ago), going on date after date and spending time...WASTING TIME with bad date after bad date! At the time it wasn't much sweat off my back. I saw these dates as just another story to tell my girls or sister. One more thing to laugh about. But I've realized that there are women (and men) out there that loathe the Single Life and truly meet folks with the hopes that that person will be "The One". For that type, failed prospect after failed prospect ain't too funny. And after awhile a person starts to think, "Anything's better than this." And that's where settling comes into play.

Settling. This word sounds so... negative!! To SETTLE. Settling (to me) means you couldn't obtain THIS, so you just took THAT because that's what you could get at the time. (See how fucked up that sounds?) As messed up as it may be, that's just reality. Everyone wants what they perceive to be THE BEST, but the truth is only a fraction really has the means to get that. For instance, when it comes to purchasing a car or a home, we'd all want that perfect home with extra bedrooms, prime location, great schools for our kids, etc. And when it comes to a car we want all the bells and whistles wrapped in a nice, gleaming package with some foreign maker's symbol adorning the hood and trunk. That's what we all want, but when that credit gets pulled and finances checked, we won't all be living in that beautiful cul-de-sac with a S550 in the driveway. Some of us may be living in a condo with a Hyundai outside. That's just the way it is. 

Unfortunately, the same goes for when we seek partners. Y'all saw What Chili Wants, the VH1 reality show featuring Chili of TLC. She had an arm's-length list of "What Chili Wants" in a man. And I admit, she had a few good ones on her list, HOWEVER!!..When taking that list collectively, she'll forever be single. Very few people have it all. You want a rich, faithful man that attends church every Sunday, loves his mama, volunteers in 3rd World countries majority of the year, works out religiously, knows how to cook, keeps his fingernails clean at all times and must be the same race as you. Really? Good luck finding that man. Not to say that it's absolutely no chance in hell that a man such as this does not exist, but, c'mon!! This is a needle in a haystack-type search. With luck, you may find it fast. With reality, you'll give up long before you even come close to finding it. So, you'll either be alone forever or alone until you're like 60, when Mr. Right has been trained as a culinary expert, is too old to cheat and  learned how to keep his nails clean at all time,s all AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!

...But if you lose interest in waiting and hook up with a guy that has, let's say... 80-90% of what you want in a partner, that's "settling" in the technical sense of the word, but not all that negative, really, I don't think.  Sometimes you gotta take what you get and make it work. Just make sure that it's workable. Things such as finance, health, respect... Those are huge and can and SHOULD be deal breakers. You definitely don't want to settle with anything that lacks those three. Majority of all else lacking just may be workable. (Not always, but most of the time.) I mean, why pass over a nice, mildly used luxury vehicle just because a back carpet is stained?! It's a good price and is decent otherwise. Get it and replace that damn carpet!!

Listen. Growing is great. Especially if you have a partner by your side reaching for common goal(s), supporting you in your beliefs and what's important to you; and you doing the same for them. Coming from a (former) "Independent Lady", I can say I don't miss The Single Life all that much.  Suddenly life feels a tad more structured and sturdy. "Settling" for 8 outta 10 ain't bad. Not bad at all, considering that all the men I met and THOUGHT had 10 out of 10 really turned out to have only a good 2 out of 10 about 3-4 weeks into getting to know them. (Sometimes dudes would fake it, tryna make it, even longer than that! o.O) So, yeah.. A consistent 8 is DAMN GOOD!


Okay. My dude saw this post and he's all like, "What da fuck is this?!!" To that I say, "It's a post on MY blog." O.O (emphasis on the "MY") I don't believe there's anything wrong with the post as far as he is concerned. Although I can see where it needs a bit more explanation. Many times I write and give not a single thought to how others will take it. As long as I get it, it's cool, I guess. That's probably the wrong mindset to have. (Give me a break. I'm learning)

So, to further explain, when I mentioned about wanting what we (as individuals) consider to be THE BEST but having to settle, like in the scenario of purchasing a car or a home, I mean to say that we all have our own hangups. Just like when you attempt to buy that car or home you like, YOU may fall short of obtaining that. Credit's not too good. Your pay isn't quite enough for a bank to feel secure enough to loan you the amount you need or maybe you haven't saved enough for the required down payment...

Myself, for instance, I KNOW I have hang ups. I'd say that my attitude and hypocrisy are most likely enough on their own to run any dude away. I'm aware of these hang ups and I can honestly say that I'm not really working on either flaw. My attitude is really a "I'm right even when I'm wrong" 'tude. And I do a lot that I don't expect others to do, like catch attitudes fast. These two things are in addition to maybe a couple other short comings. (Maybe just one or two others.. *_*) When it comes to a dude that will accept my flaws and deal with this bipolar 'tude, I think I lucked up. We share the same humor, logic, goals..We've been friends for over 13 years; he gets me. And I get him.  After knowing each other so long it never ocurred to me that we would ever be an item. I feel as though I was seeking this person that looked perfect on paper (a list of all pros) and in my head and came up empty-handed every time. I realized that looks lead you wrong just about every time! Dudes that talk a good game lead you wrong just about every time! Especially those that dress nice and got a decent ride. Them suckas be 'bout THEE BROKEST!! Will have you paying for their meal at Mickey D's and shit. (Wtf is that?!)

I'm merely sharing what I've personally experienced and have witnessed with others that are on the Dating Scene. At the end of the day, we're all individuals and when it comes to a long-term relationship, trust your gut above all else. No matter if you spend your entire life searching for your "BEST" partner, while searching beware of the bull and don't ignore the one that's usually right under your nose the whole while.

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