The holidays are near, and while most of us see this as a time for celebration and good feels, there are those that unfortunately, no matter the time of year, just see this as yet another opportunity to rain on parades and spread yuck emotions such as misery.
These people come in the form of “friends“, family, and even strangers. With this acknowledgment we all must protect ourselves.
Most of us have been raised to believe that we must love and interact with family no matter what. No matter if a family member is toxic. No matter if a family member has harmed us, and when I say harm I don’t just mean a physical harm I think there is harm that is even worse than physical and that is emotional and psychological harm. A hurt that is difficult to heal and oftentimes has effects more long-lasting than broken bones. We all know the saying: “ sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.“ LIES!! Words hurt; especially when they come from one that is a master of hurt because that is what they have marinated in for an entire lifetime, from birth or (early) childhood to present day. Masters of hurt are pretty proficient when it comes to delivering.. emitting hurt.
As is the case with a few people in my family, imagine being hurt in every interaction with this person imagine going through psychological warfare and emotional pain with a person in every interaction for years from childhood to adult hood and then imagine why anyone would subject themselves to spending any time with this person or people, especially a time during which society has told us is a time for good feels. A time for sugar, spice and all things nice. A time to feel true joy. It’s a time to reflect on all things for which you are thankful.
So it is begs the question “WHY?!” Why choose to share physical and mind space with the very beings and energy for which you are not thankful?
It’s really sad and unfortunate that some people look at a word such as loyalty and they think that the definition of loyalty means to stick it out through thick, thin and ongoing hurts from the past, present and inevitably the future (if you stick around and allow it). To continue to subject yourself to abuse. And I’m here to tell, that’s not the definition of loyalty, love or family. Not even close. Do not subject yourself to pain for anyone’s pleasure.
This holiday season begin a new tradition. Begin to put yourself first. Begin to put your safety first. Begin to love yourself enough that you will not allow any evils or negativity have priority over your well-being.
If this means celebrating holidays with fewer people or even alone, you owe it to yourself to do so. And when others question your choices feel confident in knowing that you owe no one an explanation; especially those that love to play mind games with you. Especially those that love to be in your presence only to put you down and make you feel pain and sadness and unworthiness and anger. Those people deserve no explanation from you about a thing. They’re already aware of their intentions and behavior. Demanding that you give them anything (including an explanation as to why you prefer not to deal with their abuse is yet more of their desire to control you. You owe them nothing. Give them exactly that: NOTHING.) Be mindful to always stop games that you do not wish to participate in dead in their tracks. Nip it early. Nip it fast.
This holiday season give yourself the priceless gift of peace.